I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
