In the future we'll all be gay
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
