i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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