I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
