you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
