I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
