The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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