pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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