Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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