1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
