12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
