I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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