i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
