I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
