if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
