Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
