i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
