Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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