Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
