So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
