How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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