is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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