haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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