Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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