if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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