I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
