Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
