take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
