I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
