I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
