Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
