they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
