I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
