if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
