6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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