she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
