Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
