Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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