How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
