Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
