two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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