Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
