i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
