the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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