those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
