in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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