I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
