so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
