she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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