we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
