there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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